Though men have been in a fight about it, I’ve seen through my own life and the men my colleagues and I teach that what a man truly wants from the people he knows is honest criticism, not flattery. Men haven’t known this consciously, and also have been terrifically misled by the false way criticism […]

Like many men, I thought I would be sure of myself if I made a lot of money, had nice clothes, a substantial career and impressive friends. Though I tried to act like a “nice guy,” I went after these things aggressively. But even as I got many of them I felt empty, and with […]

Every man wants to feel he’s strong—that he’s sharp, can take care of himself and not be pushed around. We also want to have large feelings, be swept by the beauty and honesty of a woman, the grandeur of a sunset. Can we have both toughness and big feelings, can we be strong and tender, […]

I once thought kindness and strength had nothing to do with each other. I wanted to be kind when, in high school, I joined a program to teach poor children in Ft. Lauderdale to read. But I felt to be strong you had to look out for yourself, beat out other people, get what you […]

In an Aesthetic Realism class some years ago, Class Chair Ellen Reiss asked me: “Do you think you are generous or grudging?” At the time, I didn’t see how much that question had my whole life in it—these opposites had battled in me. For example, in 1973 I was cast in a play at a […]